By Vince Alexander
It’s weird. But these words are stuck in my head.
It’s Skee-Lo’s fault. He’s a rapper, and he’s not even on my Pandora playlist.
But some of the lyrics from one of his songs are dancing around in my head as if they were Michael Jackson in a Thriller video.
According to Skee-Lo:
“I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller.”
After seeing some of the National Basketball Association’s free agent signings, I wish I were a bit taller . . .
But at 5 feet, 11 inches on a good day, I never had a chance. All I have are words stuck in my head, earworms.
“I wish I was a bit taller
I wish I was a baller.”
I don’t want to be what the kids would call “a hater,” because in order to play in the NBA you need a lot more than height; you also need talent and dedication. Of course, it helps to be over 6-feet tall. The recent NBA free agent contracts sent a clear message: tall leads to ball and a million dollar call.
Timofey Mozgov who sat the bench for the World Champion Cleveland Cavaliers, signed a new contract with the Los Angeles Lakers for four years and $64 million. By the way, he stands 7-1, but he averaged only 6.3 points a game and 4.4 rebounds a game.
There’s more.
Mozgov will replace another tall guy, former Indiana Pacers center Roy Hibbert. But don’t feel sorry for Hibbert. He recently signed a one-year contract with the Charlotte Hornets for $5 million. Last year, Hibbert averaged 5.9 points and 4.9 rebounds a game.
Nice contract for a scrub. Hibbert is 7-2—and I wouldn’t—or couldn’t say it to his face.
And There’s more.
Pacers fans, do you remember Ian Mahinmi? Well, he left the Pacers and signed a 4-year, $64 million contract with the Washington Wizards. He is 6-11.
And there’s even more:
Al Horford signed a 4 year, $113 million contract with the Boston Celtics. He’s 6-10.
Hassan Whiteside signed a 4 year, $98 million contract with the Miami Heat. He’s 7-0.
Andre Drummond signed a 5 year, $130 million contract with the Detroit Pistons. He is 6-11.
Kevin Durant signed a 2-year, $54.3 million contract with the Golden State Warriors. He is 6-9. Even if you are slightly over 6-feet, you have a chance to be “a baller.”
Indianapolis’ Mike Conley, via Craig Middle School, Lawrence North High School, and Ohio State University, is relatively short by NBA standards at 6-1. Still, he is above average height among most humans. He discovered the sport of basketball, and cashed in recently by resigning with the Memphis Grizzlies for an amazing 5 years, $153 million!
Wow.
I love Conley. Good player—but he never even made an NBA All-Star team.
As for me, I’m stuck with an earworm.
I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I can get with Leoshi
'Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time everywhere I go
And even in my dreams I can scheme a way to make her mine
'Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that?
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean up on the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all!
I never understood, black
Why the jocks get the fly girls and me I get the hood rats
I tell em "scat, skittle, scabobble"
Got hit with a bottle
And I been in the hospital for talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you living in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcommeth by the thoughts of me and her together
Right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
OK, I don’t get the stuff about a rabbit and an Impala.
But the stuff about wishing I was taller—now that—I get.
And it’s stuck in my head.
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